Brave, Naive, or Just Plain Dumb

I have been thinking about this opportunity and why more people don't do international travel/living.  And, based on feedback from many of you, I have narrowed it down to three possible reasons as to why someone might undertake an adventure like moving to Serbia.

Brave. Over the course of this adventure, different people have commented to me that I must be brave to undertake such an adventure by myself. At times, I have felt kind of proud for surviving here (like when nearly getting arrested, or figuring out how to get fuel when I didn't have any money), but I haven't really felt especially brave. In fact, I still maintain that the bravest thing I have done was going to a party in which I knew no one. But the cool part about being brave, or as I like to think of it -- taking a risk, is that it almost always pays off. Even while crashing and burning, I’m glad I took a risk.


Naive. A few people have made comments alluding to the fact that I am naive to come to a country that I knew next-to-nothing about, in which I don't speak or read the language, and where I don't know anyone. The fact that everyone within PepsiCo apparently knew that my manager was leaving before I even left the US (while I did not) just confirms that I am, in fact, naive. But I have always kind of prided myself on being naive. I have said this 100x since I have arrived (mostly with regards to work), but if I knew what was going to happen, then I wouldn't need to try anything new. How depressing would that be?! I could go around acting cynical and superior. It is a popular way for those of us with too much education and too little sense to behave. But I don't want to fall into that trap because I think that life is more fun when you go about it with a wide-eyed sense of discovery. That is what I bring to my job and that is what I try to bring to life. Was it naive to come to Serbia, knowing no one and not even realizing that my manager was leaving 6 weeks after I arrive? Yes. But, I have been thinking a lot about patterns lately, and this situation reminds me of something that happened 10 years ago.

A small town girl graduates from Purdue and gets an assistantship at the (prestigious) Department of Food Science at North Carolina State University with an established professor to study something she knows nothing about (whey flavor?  Like Little Miss Muffett's curds and whey?). She will be leaving the Boiler State for the first time, which is exciting and scary. But even more important, it means that she can go to grad school for free and that THEY WILL PAY HER and she get's to LEAVE INDIANA! Who even knew this opportunity existed? So this foolish 22 year old girl moves across the country and away from home for the first time, embracing this opportunity. And 6 weeks later, her advisor leaves! Now what is she supposed to do? She didn't even really know what was going on and now she has to function without a leader? But, as you know, it all worked out. So being naive (and slightly unlucky) is a pattern, and it has led me where I am now.


Just Plain Dumb. I love this expression. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the woodle-triangle-puzzle-thing that they have on the tables at Cracker Barrels in which you have 10 holes and 9 golf tees and you have to jump tees to get down to one. On it were folksy descriptions of your intelligence level based on how many tees you left. I don't remember any of them except that if you left four or more you were "just plain dumb". I love it! Now, my grandma showed me how to win, so I wasn't "just plain dumb" according to the wooden triangle (and I challenge anyone to this game). But I think that moving here is kind of dumb. Most of you reading this are Americans. How do you feel when you go to the bank or to Wal-Mart, and someone doesn't speak English? Often this seems to be a young mother with several kids running around (at 10pm in Wal-Mart), and she really can't understand how much something costs or how to get medicine from the pharmacy. And we get annoyed. How dare you come into my country (albeit often illegally), and NOT SPEAK ENGLISH?!

But guess what readers? Here I am, a highly education "just plain dumb" person who stumbles around the bank, the grocery store, and the gas station. And some people here look at me like I'm scum. How dare I come into their country (legally) and NOT SPEAK SERBIAN?! Yes, I have become that person. And I was really self-conscious about this at first. But lately, I just don't care. I don't have the energy to care about what people that I will never see again care about me (mostly). Luckily, most people are amazingly friendly and helpful.  I'm trying to learn Serbian, but I don't understand much. And when I first got here, I didn't know how to buy fuel, pay my bills, or find the grocery stores. I had no network, so I just fumbled about, generally making a fool of myself. That is the cool thing about travelling. You just have to figure stuff out by making mistakes and asking for help and when you do succeed, you have a huge sense of pride for something that you wouldn't have thought twice about accomplishing at home.

So how do I feel about myself? I guess I'm a little brave, fairly naive, and but mostly Just Plain Dumb.